Do You Know Russia?

Please keep in mind while reading this, for my sake, that I had just ridden in an uncomfortable bus for 15 hours, gotten two hours of sleep, and decided to immediately explore Trabzon.

I arrive as if in a stale, dull dream. I find a hotel merely out of habit, and get lucky with a newly built one near the center of town. I strike a deal with the front desk guy, go upstairs with my things, shower, get some new clothes on that don’t smell like me, and walk down the street.
I spot a great looking food place, wolf down my first real meal in 20 hours, and, feeling a little better, keep walking down the street. Half a block later, I see a tiny cd and dvd shop and decide to ask where I can find the musical instrument stores in town. I want to find a kemence, the local, traditional instrument of the black sea region here. Immediately, these two guys are racking their brains trying to help me find one. And then we start talking, as one of the guys knows English-
“Where are you from?”… “Ah, U.S., I am a communist, what do you think about that?”
I thought it was a bad joke, that’s what, considering my country's history in the last century. But it wasn’t as I learned later, it was because of this complex history that he said it. I am eventually sitting down with them sharing tea, and we go through politics, mixed with Turkish music, them writing down artists I have to hear. It becomes clear the young gentleman speaking to me is in the Turkish communist party. I tell him I saw a demonstration in Ankara, and he tells me they are 80,000 strong. Turns out his bitter views on my country’s government, history and current world policies are not too far off from mine. Not surprising really since I live in a socialist state called San Francisco.
He shows me the web site he created, which states his strong and clearly voiced political views, and it starts to appear this guy is pretty active, maybe a community organizer. He asks if I will watch an important Turkish movie, do I have my laptop with me? I do, so he grabs an already burned dvd, puts it in a plastic bag and hands it to me. I see no problem here, Turkey seems pretty open. And I take notice, this guys a real thinker and believes in what he’s saying, and he’s trying to convey that to me. I also want to try to give him a clear, un-generalized, non-mass media idea of the views of the people in my country and reconcile it with his perception, while hearing his views on the world.
As we talk, people sporadically walk in and ask about a cd or a movie, sometimes stopping to buy one. A good hour later, we had gone through many countries, many ideas and many songs, and a couple guys, maybe in their 30’s, walk in and start asking questions. I keep busy looking at some movies.
One I see looks genuine, but it reads Kull Bull. Oh I see, so these guys are ripping movies. Still, no big deal to me, you see that in many places, even back home. My new friend, after talking with the men and answering some seemingly pointed questions, says, motioning to me- “…just tourist, tourist”. And turns to me “This is the police.”
And when I look up, it’s just a couple of guys in common clothes. They do have walkie talkies though, so I think he’s cracking a joke, again. Maybe his security guard buddies came down to say hello or something. So I say “Oh, just coming down to check up on you, eh?” I should have winked for effect, that would have been good.
“Yeah, yeah.” he laughs, but a little strained.
They converse a little, and I think my friend handed over a few Lira, but I can’t remember for sure.
The “policeman” nearest to me turns and says- “Where are you from?”
And my stock answer, “the U.S.A.”, doesn’t get recognized, again, so I say “America”.
He says with a smirk, or was it a clever grin-“Oh, do you know Russia?”
I’m thinking- what kind of dumb question is this?
“Yeah, I know it, but, uh, no, I’ve never been there, no.”
Wait!!! My mind starts racing, is this guy really a cop? And is he referring to my friends communist leanings, is he poking around, investigating? And has he been keeping up with the news about Russia for the last 20 years? Oh, the cd’s and movies. Damn! Ok so he’s a cop. But maybe he’s just being nice, maybe he’s of Russian ethnicity. That’s it, he looks Russian and I’m not too far away from there now- maybe he's asking if I speak Russian. But as I’m processing, they laugh a little and start shaking hands with the gentlemen running the store. I’m still on the Russia thing and almost ask him -is he Russian, is that why he asks? Maybe he wants to talk about it. But I don’t and by the time that thought makes it through the molasses in my mind they are walking out the door. I notice they made an effort not to shake my hand. My friend looks at me briefly with a half grin.
“Why would he ask me if I knew Russia?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe they want to know why you are here?” More half grin.
“So they’re undercover cops huh, really?”
“Yes, like your detectives.”
The two men post up on the sidewalk, looking away, but not going anywhere. And the two guys running the store start busily looking something up on the net. I am suddenly no longer the subject of attention or questions. Did I just walk into something bigger than I know? And should I be walking out? But I can’t just leave quickly, that will make it seem like we were having a communist party meeting. I know, I’ll look around at some of the movies. But no, they’re all pirated. Damn, what to do? I sip on my tea, thoughtfully confused. I interject on the guys' project, “Is it a problem here to be in the communist party?”
“No, not really, you just have to know what you’re doing and know what you’re getting into.”- he goes back to his project. Really. Ok… I guess, for lack of knowing what the hell to do now and being utterly confused, I’ll slowly, casually say my goodbyes and leave. I don’t want to seem rude and just bolt, but maybe they’re letting me leave, giving me a hint, I don’t know. I take a couple minutes to browse the store, looking appropriately clueless and natural in case the cops are looking, then we all shake hands and I say thanks for the tea and cd, and they smile and wave goodbye graciously, genuinely.
I walk out past the cops. I have the plastic baggie and cd out- damn!- so I just start walking down the street. Would they follow me? At this point part of me is thinking if he wrote his email address on that slip of paper, or would they want this movie…. but another part is thoroughly enjoying the game going on here. I don’t know what’s really happening, but it seems something is, and I’m pretty sure I can just play the clueless, curious tourist if they accuse me of anything. But would I really be acting?
And then… about 3 blocks later, after sneaking glances at shop windows to see if they‘re behind me…the tea, or the rational part of my brain kicks in. “Do you know Russia?”
Wait! Nooo….He meant- Do you know where Russia is? No way, not again!- it’s Sarah Palin’s now infamous, very American political comment- it wasn’t the first time a Turk has thought this question was funny.
Aaaawwwwww! Fuck you Sarah Palin, and fuck you plainclothes Turkish cop!

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books where you could pick your own ending, change the story, right in the middle of the story sometimes? Well, next time, maybe I’ll peel off on the “smart” adventure by picking the ending where I quip back something like “Yeah, I can see it from my backyard. Do you know where the U.S.A. is? No, it‘s where yo mama is!”, and then it’ll end with me in a Turkish prison- and then they can write the sequel to Midnight Express.
In the real end though, it was a fun story I made up for myself…or did I? I’ll never really know exactly what those cops were doing in there. Most likely they were just friends on the beat, but maybe not. It's possible a culture of caution and not being able to speak freely is still present here. This is the stuff that usually goes under the tourist radar, but maybe not that day- language barriers and the practices of a different culture make it near impossible to tell sometimes. Either way, I only felt like a complete fool for a couple more blocks, and then the situation made me remember why I love traveling sometimes, as I chuckled and kept on walking.